Fairplay

So in the interest of fairness, I'm putting up a post today that's actually a reprint. I found this going through my old emails from many years ago. I'm putting it up here with warts and all. Maybe it's theraputic to relive such an adventure. But probably not.

HEY GROUP!!!

anyway. I'm about to tell you something that may give you nightmares or make you laugh or make you do something that you never thought you'd EVER do. Or maybe it won't do anything to you. Either way, it's gonna be fun for me.

Let's begin now.

Last Saturday night I came home from playing basketball with some of my little brother Adam's friends. I was extremely cold and had a temperature of 102. My mom said that i would be fine. I agreed. That was my first mistake.

The entire next week at school is one that I don't really recall very well. On Tuesday I went to the small Kaiser in Walnut Creek. That was my second mistake. I saw a doctor, or so she claimed. She said that my throat was swollen, my throat was red, and I had a fever. I guess I couldn't tell that already. She had the brilliant idea to take a strep culture to see if I was dieing. On Thursday I found out that it was negative. Then came Friday.

On Friday a lot of non-fun stuff happened. The highlight of my great day came at about 4:50, ten minutes before the vampire section of the little Kaiser closed. They drew about 20 gallons of my blood and then proceeded to beat me to a non-bloody pulp. When I regained conciousness I was ushered to my car where my father was waiting to bring me home.

The reason they wanted to look at my amazing blood was to find out if I had the wonderful illness call mononeucleosis. I wasn't sure when to call back about the "blood test" so I had my maid call for me and was notified that I indeed had mono, much to dismay of all my friends. (HEY GUYS!!)

The next day I woke up to the wonderful world of Ladder Fishing. It's amazing what they put on TNN at 3:30 in the morning on a Sunday. Later that day my dad was to take me to the big Kaiser in Walnut Creek. That was an adventure. You see, MEN never ask for directions. No matter how lost they may be, they'll never admit it or do anything to find their way back but say things like, "I'm not lost" or "It's a shortcut" etc. So we got to Kaiser at 9:00 in the a.m. We got to the right doctors
office at about 9:15-9:20, excellent time. This hospital was really just a converted hotel. But dirtier. Anyways...

We got to the big waiting room where we stayed watching the cartoon networks "Scooby-Doo-a-thon", yea, for about 8 minutes then we were escorted to the smaller waiting room they call the "examinig room" where we sat staring at the diagrams of ears and intestinal tracts for about another 10 minutes before we were graced by the appearance of the wonderful Doctor what's-his-name.

He 'examined' me and said that he would give me a narcotic known as Codine. Then he had enough spare time to give a locker room interview as my dad grilled him with some very intelligent questions. That took around 5 to 6 minutes. Then we got my perscription paper and we were on our way to the main pharmacy of the hospital. (this was, yep, mistake number three.)

We got to the pharmacy and gave the paper to the really not together twenty-something who looked like she would be more at home on a surfer that in a pharmacy, but hey, who am I to judge right. Kaiser knows what they're doing. Anyways...

We got to hear over the PA someone come into the ER, get a respritory expert, then go into the OR, then get a surgen, then another one, then we got our perscription and consulation. This is only about a five line paragraph but it took a really, really long hour for all this to take place.

So at like 11:30 we got to leave that wonderful establishment and go home. On the way home we passed a Christmas tree lot. That has no relevance but I thought that I'd throw it in there anyways.

Time passed slowly, I was still sick with mono. Then on Tuesday came the reason beyond all reasons to hate Kaiser. The doctor that I saw the week before, the blood test on Friday, called to tell me that I had mono. But the first time she called I was asleep so she said that she'd call back and if I was still asleep then to wake me up. She called back and got my mom (sucker) and notified her that I had mono. My mom informed her that we already knew about that. I don't know why the doctor waited so long to call. Yes I do, SHE'S FROM KAISER AND KAISER SUCKS!!!!

moral: What, you want a moral. You're nuts!!

THE END

My wife is getting better daily, she's not taking the painkillers anymore, so they may be available for the right price. Maybe we'll have a garage sale...