Cryin' Time Again

Pre-school day one over, another difficult start that ended up being fine. She was so excited to go, she had her backpack with her, she came to work with me this morning because I was going to take her for her first day. She wore that thing all over the house while she was getting ready. Which inspired Big T to wear his again. He hadn't been wearing it, as his teacher asked all students who weren't going to day care or riding the bus not to bring a backpack because there isn't a lot of room in the closet for them all. She wore it into my work and placed it ever so gently upon the table before she ate her cereal and colored for a bit. She watched some Sesame Street videos on my computer at work before it was time to go. She was very excited to get there and I had my hopes going that all would be well. I was very anxious for her and for me also.

When we got to her school she was ready to go and get in line. So we did and we were waiting for the teacher to come open the gate to let us into the playground next to the classrooms. All the kids and their parents were filing in to the different rooms (2 year olds, 3 year olds, and 4 year olds). We got into her room and she hung her backpack up on a hook and started to wander towards the cars to play, and then she came back and asked me to go with her. So I did. She didn't really play with the cars and just started walking around the room and I noticed that the teacher was making name tags for the kids on different shaped pieces of vinyl. So I had her go to the table and pick out her shape, and the teacher asked her name and wrote it on the tag and I put it on her shirt. Then I told her that I was going to have to go back to work and the first look of worry came over her face.

I started telling her that 'Mommy will pick you up.' And tried to distract her with Legos, babies, kitchens, cars, puzzles and other things that were nearby. I gave her what was to be the first of many hugs and high fives and started to leave. She called me back to tell me that "I really miss you, Daddy." and I started to get a little panicky that this wasn't going to be a clean good-bye. A couple goodbyes later, I waved to her and walked out the door and waited to see how it would go. An old classmate from my youth recognized me and we started talking when Little E came crying out the door at a full run yelling for me. So I picked her up and wiped away the tears and tried to take her back inside to the Play-doh table. She said she had to go potty. I thought that this would just be another excuse, but she really did have to go. We washed our hands and the realization that she had nothing left to keep me there hit and she just grabbed onto my hand really tight. One of the teacher helpers tried to help me distract her with a story, but she wasn't having any of that. Finally the main teacher came and got her and picked her up. I said good-bye and left. While I was saying she was straining to get to me with her arms out and crying screaming, "I want my Daddy." It was absolutely heartbreaking, and one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. And she's only 3. Now I knew she'd be okay in a little bit, but still. This was the first time she'd ever been completely on her own. She's always had either her older brother or a parent or grandparent with her. Now suddenly, strangers. Lots of them. And her teacher, though nice, has a couple tattoos on her arms of dragons, and one of the helpers is into piercings. They're really nice, but they're a bit scary looking.

I had to go back to pick her up with my wife to make sure that all was well. The teacher said that she just cried for a few minutes and then was fine. I asked Little E if she wanted to come back on Thursday and she said 'Yeah!', so that's a good sign. Another nice thing about Thursday is that my mom will be taking her to school and I won't have to worry about it as much. She'll be fine, I'm sure. But this was not a fun morning for me. Well, it was fun until about 9:03 when I started saying good-bye. I didn't leave until almost 9:20. I'm not looking forward to her growing up to much more right now. I don't know how much I can handle past this point.

Also, I'll post some pics soon. I have to get them off my phone, since I forgot the camera this morning. But I did remember two kids, extra clothes, two lunches and a snack, plus animals and blankies, hair bobs for Little E and I made her ponytail, which I was very proud of. I'm not really good at hairstyling yet.